“I just had to get on with it” – The unspoken cost of motherhood, work, and mental health

The op-ed from EuroHealthNet Magazine is reproduced in full below.

“I just had to get on with it,” said one mother. Another shared, “Nobody helped, I had to find the strength myself.” These aren’t isolated voices. They resonate across borders, age groups, and income brackets, revealed in Make Mothers Matter’s extensive 2024 survey, which dives into the modern realities of motherhood in Europe.

From mental overload to career sacrifices, the report reveals an uncomfortable truth: despite progress in gender equality policies, many mothers still feel unseen, unsupported, and undervalued.

So, how do we move forward? How do we value motherhood’s crucial role in society and provide the support needed to promote the wellbeing of mothers, and with that, those of families? One answer may lie in embracing a wellbeing economy, a model that puts people and the planet before profit. But first, let’s unpack what today’s mothers are really facing.

The weight of mental load

According to the findings, more than 67% of mothers say they feel mentally overloaded, and half report experiencing mental health struggles such as anxiety, depression, or burnout. The emotional toll is highest among mothers aged 30-39, those with young children, and those in lower-income brackets.

And while most describe parenting using words such as ‘joy’ and ‘love,’ mothers just as frequently mention ‘fatigue’ and ‘sacrifice.’

Across countries, the mental load of motherhood varies: 81% of Portuguese mothers report being overwhelmed, compared to 46% in Germany. Many feel alone in their struggles, and only half say they have time for themselves. A significant number say they had no support at all, not even from medical professionals.

This isn’t just a call for better mental healthcare for mothers; it’s rather a cry for a cultural shift.

Returning to work, but at what cost?

After having a child, a woman’s professional path often takes a sharp detour. Before motherhood, 74% of respondents in the survey worked full-time, a number which drops to 49% after their first child, with 15% exiting the workforce entirely. Why? Well, because current work environments still expect mothers to return as if nothing has changed.

Only a minority of mothers benefit from a gradual re-entry into the workforce (35%) or flexible hours (46%). Even fewer (just 27%) have access to telework options. In countries like Spain, Italy, and Czechia, a lack of workplace flexibility is a significant factor. Unsurprisingly, 27% of mothers say that motherhood negatively impacted their careers, leading to reduced income, stalled advancement, and, for some, outright discrimination.

In response to this situation, 37% of mothers chose not to take action. Not because they didn’t care, but most probably because they lacked the time, resources, or protection to push back. Some may have feared retaliation, while others just didn’t know where to turn.

The unpaid shift and the quiet endurance of domestic inequality

The pressure doesn’t ease at home. Despite decades of advocacy for shared caregiving, mothers still handle at least 63% of household and childcare duties alone—and that number climbs to 70% depending on the specific task. The survey found that one in four fathers took no paternity leave at all, despite being entitled to it, often due to financial constraints or workplace expectations.

And this isn’t just about parenting. A full 25% of mothers live with someone, child or adult, to whom they provide additional care. This unpaid labour never stops.

This imbalance reinforces a cycle: mothers adjust their work lives to accommodate caregiving, which affects their earnings and retirement security. Meanwhile, their contributions, vital to the health of families and economies alike, go largely unrecognised.

A wellbeing economy: more than a buzzword

So, what is a wellbeing economy, and how could it help?

The wellbeing economy is a model that prioritises social infrastructure such as healthcare, education, and care services over traditional GDP growth. It values time, relationships, and mental health, and it sees unpaid care not as a burden to be minimised, but as the bedrock of society.

For mothers, a move towards this new kind of economy could mean:

• Stronger mental health services that are community-based and culturally responsive.
• Workplace reforms that go beyond the right to request flexibility and instead guarantee
• Expanded and paid parental leaves—for all
• Recognition of unpaid care work in pension schemes and career assessments.
• Affordable, accessible childcare that offers real choice and flexibility.

Make Mothers Matter’s report offers a roadmap packed with actionable recommendations for EU policymakers, employers, and communities. From ‘care credits’ that compensate for time out of the workforce to breastfeeding support in workplaces, the proposals are as practical as they are urgent.

Ultimately, a wellbeing economy that prioritises care, equality, and comprehensive support could be the transformative shift we need. By recognising the interconnectedness of work, health, and family life, we can create a future where maternal mental health is not a marginal issue but a central priority for all.

It’s time for the village to show up

The proverb goes, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’ But for too long, the village has leaned too heavily on mothers, expecting them to do it all—often in silence.

MMM’s State of Motherhood in Europe 2024 report doesn’t just share statistics, it amplifies lived experiences and asks us to rethink what we value. If we truly want a future where families thrive, mental health is protected, and gender equality is more than a slogan, then care work must be treated as essential.

How can this be achieved? There are several areas that can be addressed:

• Perinatal mental health needs far stronger support across Europe. That means investing in community-based, holistic care that’s embedded in the services parents and birthing people already rely on, from GPs and midwives to social workers, not just specialist clinics. Affordable, high-quality childcare must be recognised as fundamental to wellbeing, and better data collection is essential to fully understand experiences during and after pregnancy.
• EU policymakers must lead the way by championing family-friendly workplaces, flexible working arrangements, and smoother, more supportive returns from parental leave. Fully enforcing the Pay Transparency Directive and extending the Gender Balance on Corporate Boards Directive to include more employers could drive progress on gender equity.
• Specialised breastfeeding support must be expanded to offer not only practical guidance but emotional care, too. The private sector, too, has a role to play. In Spain, the Empresa Familiarmente Responsable Certificate (Family-Responsible Company, promoted by the Más Familia Foundation, member of MMM) recognises employers that champion work-life balance, inclusion, and social responsibility, particularly when it comes to supporting employees’ family needs. France’s ‘Family Friendly Company (FFC)’ label offers a similar model, showing that prioritising wellbeing at work isn’t just possible, but increasingly expected.
• To help employers put these policies into practice, EU programmes such as its employment and social innovation (EaSI) fund and the Citizens, Equality, Rights and Values (CERV) programme offer financial support for family leave, flexible working, and equality initiatives. The EU4Gender Equality initiative also works with the private sector to build more inclusive, family-friendly and gender-equitable workplaces.
• Above all, screening tools and clinical guidelines must reflect the diversity of people who give birth – with targeted attention to those facing challenges linked to race, migration, poverty, disability, and sexual orientation. But perhaps most importantly, this starts with listening to all mothers, giving them representation from all communities, not just once a year in a survey, but in every policy decision, every boardroom, and every home.

Ultimately, a wellbeing economy that prioritises care, equality, and comprehensive support could be the transformative shift we need. By recognising the interconnectedness of work, health, and family life, we can create a future where maternal mental health is not a marginal issue but a central priority for all.

More on MMM’s State of Motherhood in Europe 2024 Survey here